impossible

[Leo T_C_K]

This is getting more and more impossible day by day. Been basically banished from shelters due to spiteful people. Like one guy explained to me, he only got a fine for "bad driving" just because he ticked a cop off in some banal way. They like to punish and guilt trip. By this point I have giant swellings, I am ill with flu at the same time, the swellings now caused wounds and I can't even wear shoes anymore. Just open flesh wounds at this point barely covered by bandages. No I don't feel they took me serious enough at the emergency few days ago, it wasn't this bad but they had a chance to prevent it being this bad. It didn't happen. I feel so annoyed. Like even zeur keeps telling me what kind of asshole I am or behaving like one, when he said shocklingly why didn't I show him how bad my feet were now. Well why does he think I am so irritated huh? It doesn't come out of nowhere in me. When I'm more irritated/rude to people it usually means I am in pain/suffering and this is how I deal with it. Its...almost inescapable, because those people will never get it. But in some old situations if I allowed myself to be weak or show weakness it would lead to my demise. So...its just not possible to get rid of this behavior as such. And I feel like I am not being respected while the real ignorants tell me that I need to have respect for their rules. I will never have respect for rules out of the sake of them being rules. There has to be reasonable justification. And sometimes rules are too much in the way, when something *has* to be done and has to happen. Like just giving an example of a van driving away with food just because I couldn't signal zeur on time to come out. Because they couldn't give it to me because they have "rules" and I'm supposed to respect it. I told them they can just ring this number and I can't because of lack of signal and all that. But the real reason is that they didn't give a damn. So they quote rules all the time to justify their arrogance. Sometimes you have to be flexible, wait a little or do something else than to stick to what's written on paper like all the people have to be present at the van. And can't wait even three minutes because of schedules. Come on.
Look its a nasty industry ok? They want to keep people helpless and dependand. Most people who donate to charities don't know how they operate in practice and how choosy/abusive they can get. Some charities/organisations are outright scams and some are quite close to that. They often just do things on display so they wouldn't loose subsidies and support.

The following is written before all of above was written...:

Whatever. I'm A FUCKING ASSHOLE I GUESS WITHOUT A SENSE OF ACCOUNTABILITY OR WHATEVER ELSE.

Do I have to keep listening to insulting/untrue/half-true things about me all the damn time? It will not make me a better person, in fact it will irritate me to the point of me ending up on a path to destruction for sure. If I just keep hearing what kind of a jackass I am from people who are supposed to be supporting me emotionaly. I am not saying everyone does, but most of those people who don't are too far away from me.

[Leo T_C_K]

This is just getting better and better. I fought a bunch of guys that attacked me/our luggage on a bus station/terminal. Surprisingly I wasn't charged for anything by the police this time! Wow, that's a first.

Guess they didn't like them either. And I suppose this time they weren't in position of power like working for security company or this and that and that makes a difference i guess. That's what I'm sick of but then again this is not europe.

But yea I was so fucking pissed like...am I going to become the next john mcclane or what? This was quite ridiculous though and involved a little bit of improvised sword fighting (using things that were not swords but ugh).

Unfortunately after this incident the temporary canadian phone that we have been gifted stopped wotrking, the sim specificaly. I did get quite wet so maybe the sim got exposed or its some BS I don't want to get into and is just bad timing. It was still supposed to have been working for several months that's what the subscription was paid for.

So great we can't contact anyone now like we had supposed to have this meeting/appointment and zeur has to buy from our last bit a new sim. Fucking amazing, and volny is eating more critical messages/flagging them as spam or preventing me from sending such. Fucking amazing. G

Game over man! Yippiye k-yay M-fucker!