Man, I hate being ignored.

[thenewkgb]

In my search for what I wanted, I did find something so low level, and so rewarding. It doesn't even take much to get. The amount of times I've been shunned by so called masters of the subject, I find being alone with no help, pushing myself up the hill for my reasons and my goals alone - I can't understand any online group. I was told I am a problem. Not the views of everyone here, but it does add to the toxicity. Sorry to interrupt your groups. How you made friends if we're all in the same boat beats me. Perhaps you invented your own successful and popular program all on your own. Well done.

You know I actually adore Unreal. Maybe I'll enjoy it all by myself with no-one around?

[GEARvision]

"Maybe I'll enjoy it all by myself with no-one around?"

Being alone is not only driving your fun into the darkness, but the loneliness that comes with it by asking yourself questions that relate to existence, if it should exist or not and these questions sometimes do bounce back into oneself, I end up asking about myself, my own value of existing
UT3 is the most ignored game of them all, even I do ignore it!
But to pay for my sins, I have set up an archive that it is the most I can do to make myself feel calm - I do not expect anything in return

I keep playing my romhack of UT I made for myself, only few know what that is because I do not push it around, but there it is, somewhere within the dumps I collected, never an official statement, some of it lays in there

So what about it? I do not hate being ignored - for reasons, the things I do are within the world of unusual, so unusual in fact that I think knowledge does not reach there, at least by a professional that belongs to the human race... We are a little more alien that Human I think, to some degrees
As time goes, a screen is what splits our power to love & care for each other, we cannot hold hands anymore, we can only read our thoughts being expressed through text inside a screen. Then we were taught to scroll through that, many scroll, even the big guys
I had to learn how to use python myself, Notepad++'s regular expressions, Hex editor by editing headers out of files and learning about offsets
Then making something wonderful appear, and thankfully, its impact is immediate
You know, I am no creative brain I do not believe I am born like that - I only ever finished projects when I am in a team - I do scripting and that's all I am good for!

Though, regardless of what I say, I barely pay attention to many of the colors around here - I like reading through the forums, a few of it, but that's it
I never take requests, I only love standing up in my room, turn on the lights and disappear in a haze
That's what life is about sometimes, I find that part of it enjoyable

The only contribution I ever made to UT was in that one map made by Kayako, yes, scripting show off from myself, once and never again, like a fluke
I could be considered a ghost ship, that roams in the distance, but holds treasure at times
Life is this simple, just so you know

Begin by looking yourself at the mirror, if you cannot do that there's no case in point about self improving
Begin by understand other people and how they get to what they are
Then you'll begin to develop something of your own, you'll learn how to take an effort, and how difficult is to do that same effort when other people do it
You'll grow a sense of responsibility, and care, perhaps a slice of ego too - do not chase for one of them, all of them in one is the goal
I was born autistic, so it took me 20 years of my life to be able to comprehend the very basics of this, so 20 years wasted I do not mind
If you are young, you have long road ahead

I wish you my luck

[thenewkgb]

Hey. I expected a few flames, and I would have deserved it. I'm stepping away from computers. I think they are a big problem for me. Over the next week I am packing all my peripherals into boxes and I will sell them over time. It'll be tricky, but I'm making myself do it. Yes, I have a big problem. No, you don't need to hear it (unless of course you learn how not to chat with people). I am sorry to the people I tried to correct. Everywhere on-line I face the same problems.

[GEARvision]

I do not use smartphones my self, In fact I actively avoid them - I ask a familar to get me the calls as of this time

I would not be able to live without a computer, but that's cause I do not have a lot of purpose already
But I try to learn and grant my time to the people around me, even if I am little shy (I have three members of my family with birthdays this December, including my grandma, an interesting week lol - I had to skip gifting presents for Xmas! )