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Very Hot Topic (More than 25 Replies) Pain and Agony... (Read 4346 times)
Leo T_C_K
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Pain and Agony...
Feb 24th, 2010 at 10:00am
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I am without medicaments for months (they got lost in post office even, the recipent, since the doctor who prescribed it is not in this town)....I can't sleep, bad memories are coming back to my mind, last time I woke up from sleep I couldn't move for hours at all and my mother had to bring me food, water and bucket so I could piss in it....
I was supposed to go today to that job office and stuff......but I am unable to....and doctor is out of reach, isn't answering phone.

I need to lie back down....sigh...I can't even finish what I wanted to say....but I only get yelled at by people, even the ones I am close with and being ignored or told I am attention whore or demanding or over at beyondunreal I was told I am idiot and they always discuss my poor quality of my posts, but to me they are morons. They can't take me seriously, yet they are able to listen to problems of other people and feel pity for them, yet I sound fake and stuff......they can die all I can care....
« Last Edit: Feb 24th, 2010 at 7:39pm by Leo T_C_K »  

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Leo T_C_K
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #1 - Feb 24th, 2010 at 7:39pm
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I need to go there each 3 months, otherwise I would not receive money for insurance, which I cannot pay for my own and if I don't have student status I don't receive it.....so the only way was to registering at the office where they are searching the jobs for you, or you search them or consult them etc.

Well....I obviously was opressing myself upon people...or cause bad emotions in them, which I am unaware of. But whatever, I attempted to suicide, because I couldn't stand it anymore. But I didn't have enough energy to even cut myself, I eventually collapsed on the floor having complete nervous breakdown and crying.
That's what happened before I posted the first post in the thread....
I am just sick of this all.
  

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Mister_Prophet
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #2 - Feb 24th, 2010 at 9:06pm
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What are you sick with? Your illness I mean.
  
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Leo T_C_K
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #3 - Feb 24th, 2010 at 10:57pm
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Vein problems, chronic post infection fatigue syndrome, allergy stuff, few neurological things....if I didn't forget anything.
I used to have a strong asthma, but it somehow got in a mild phase and is hardly noticable at all nowadays.
  

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Mister_Prophet
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #4 - Feb 24th, 2010 at 11:15pm
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Leo T_C_K wrote on Feb 24th, 2010 at 10:57pm:
Vein problems, chronic post infection fatigue syndrome, allergy stuff, few neurological things....if I didn't forget anything.


This?



  
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DieHard SCWS
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #5 - Feb 24th, 2010 at 11:20pm
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I honestly can relate to you, often i am super depressed myself, and last weeks it wasnt good at all. Pretty much 24 hours a day everything in my body hurts all over and i get up with pain, ill go to bed with pain in my back neck, head, hands, arms, legs and what more. Heck, even breathing hurts most of the time, and often i think, whats it worth living for. But i guess i dont want bad things to happen because i dont want my mother, brother and sister to get upset.


So i live day by day, and always hope for the better next day(s). And yeah if people than also start to @ss you around on the forums, than that can push you over the already thin line. Luckelly i dont not have that happen on the forums, but sure enough in real life it does, and it does not help me at such a moment.


And i know this happens to you alot the forums, either because you might write poorly at moments(i am not saying you do), or people just interprete you wrong, which might happen easy on you because you are very precise and want to be accurate in what you want and what you think. And that can get you into problems, deserved or not.


And from what you often write you easelly feel they are against you which also is not helpfull, and certainly when you already feel bad. But at such a moment you should realise more often, they are also like you, they like Unreal, UT and want to get the best out of the games, and they defend the way they see the game as you do from your point.


And for me, i dont like to see if it doesnt go well people(for that matter i never like flaming nor will i ever), and i know you always work on several projects, you do give input to the game and thats highly appreciated. And everybody works on stuff they think are important, and you simply should keep working on stuff you think is important, regardless what others may say.


And i work on very safe things, and hardly get critisised over my work. But i do get critisim as well, and i always think, any critisism no matter how bad, will somehow improove my work. And often when i am to ill to work it extra sucks, but at the moments it goes a bit better and when i am able to work, it distracts me. And it looks like were alot alike, and actually theres more people here than you might think who have similar problems.


And i guess thats the nature of things, people that often are to ill to go outside have more time for their hobby, so its a fair assumption that on the internet more fruitcakes like us can be found than in the real world.


Just keep looking ahead, and try pick up the pieces again, and like me, try think, well today sucks, and tomorrow prob will suck as well. But who knows the day after that it will be better.
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Leo T_C_K
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #6 - Feb 25th, 2010 at 12:00am
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Mister_Prophet wrote on Feb 24th, 2010 at 11:15pm:
Leo T_C_K wrote on Feb 24th, 2010 at 10:57pm:
Vein problems, chronic post infection fatigue syndrome, allergy stuff, few neurological things....if I didn't forget anything.


This?




Yes, although this isn't just a prolonged phase after infection which passes, but it has been diagnosed like that and it is unsure if it passes.

DieHard, thanks for the answer, although I do stand criticism and that was never much of a trouble for me. I also don't mind if they flag every thread with "leotck strikes again", beacuse I find it hillarious, but I really don't like the direct insults, the guy has received infraction and I warning though because I responded directly to that insult with an insult. And this is mostly happening in the offtopic section, so it has nothing to do with Unreal and many people there have already past playing Unreal and are not active in playing the games, yet they discuss random stuff.
  

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Mister_Prophet
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #7 - Feb 25th, 2010 at 12:16am
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The BU off topic forum is composed of many regulars that have been kicking around since the formation of PU, ect. Basically, like a lot of long term offtopic forums of sites, one needs thick skin when entering. I wouldn't let yourself get too bothered by it though, since 90% of what's said in there is sarcasm/nonserious anyway.
  
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Leo T_C_K
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #8 - Feb 25th, 2010 at 12:27am
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I just noticed the articles on wikipedia about the illness are not that accurate or not anymore, I mean the main article on ME/CFS. It has been acknowledged as primarily immunity/neurological disease before, with other symptoms, but some idiots over at UK especially, are still treating it as psychiatric disease and there has been a case where they caused a death of ME patient, the video is found on youtube, the psychiatrists caused it by forcing the patient into psychiatric hospital and he (I think it was she actually) died of exhaustion when returning home and the psychiatric medicament does not help at all, in fact it had been proved to be harmful at patients(and I do have experience with that before it was even diagnosed to me, they've been feeding me with all kinds of shit which only messed up my health greatly), so again wikipedia fail at that.
And there has been some treatment, but the main reason behind this and the psychiatrization is the money. They can't simply afford investing in that, it is really a fail of the whole system and only shows how this system is all crappity smacked up.

EDIT:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrBAlKtroBw
It is not the original video, I dunno if they have been removed but they were around 2008/7 on youtube.
There was also video about the cure and why it was "cancelled" and stuff. I cannot find that now....
EDIT2:
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=3BF0A5C4D7DF7EA8&sort_field=viewcount
The videos were clearly removed as you can see. You can see many by the list..........I wonder what was the reason behind removing them.
EDIT3: Sigh...found the original video description:
Code
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'Doctors' in the UK - ordered chronically sick ME CFS CFIDS patient Sophia Mirza to be removed from her home by force (breaking her front door down) and locked her in a mental asylum to 'treat her'.

Days after returning home - she died.

Those in power refused an autopsy and her death would thus have been covered up - had it not been for the intervention of her devoted and loving mother and a helpful MS (Multiple Sclerosis) specialist.

No apology was given, no action was taken by the authorities towards those who did this to her. Her mother and family is left destroyed.

The British Medical Association (BMA) who have the power to strike doctors off their lists for inhumane/damaging behaviour - did nothing.

These 'Doctors'(by innapropriate medical intervention) effectively killed this woman in the name of a belief system. The 'belief' she was insane.

Outside the medical profession, people who do this are called 'terrorists'. (Religion being a belief system).

Despite the autopsy PROVING this young person died of an inflammatory immune disease - there is silence from the guilty and silence from those who can punish.

Sophia Mirza's injust suffering is a prime example of the arrogance and ignorance of the British medical profession when it comes to this awful condition. Doctors to this day, STILL believe they are Gods - despite their privileged knowledge being increasingly opened up to the public. They are not Gods, but they are legally immune - hence their behaviour.

This video post is in memory to her immense bravery her mother speaks of.

May she rest in peace, and never be forgotten.

For the TRUTH on what ME does to people, go to:

http://www.meresearch.org.uk/
http://www.investinme.org
http://www.cfsrf.com/
http://www.ahummingbirdsguide.com
http://phoenix-cfs.org
http://www.ahmf.org  

« Last Edit: Feb 25th, 2010 at 1:31am by Leo T_C_K »  

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GreatEmerald
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #9 - Feb 25th, 2010 at 6:36pm
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DieHard SCWS wrote on Feb 24th, 2010 at 11:20pm:
i know you always work on several projects, you do give input to the game and thats highly appreciated. And everybody works on stuff they think are important, and you simply should keep working on stuff you think is important, regardless what others may say.

But i do get critisim as well, and i always think, any critisism no matter how bad, will somehow improove my work.

That's true, in fact, IMO the meaning of life is to create something that is beneficial for you and share it with others - like URP textures, maps or mods... When you get positive feedback, it really makes you feel a lot better.

Not really, the extreme bad criticism ("your textures are ****" being a good example) don't really help in any way at all.
  
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Leo T_C_K
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #10 - Feb 26th, 2010 at 8:12pm
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I finally got the meds again, only for the veins though. But it does make a big difference. I feel physically more relaxed.
  

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DieHard SCWS
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #11 - Feb 26th, 2010 at 9:57pm
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Thats cool to hear Smiley

And lets hope the other medication will arive as well.


Overhere you pick up the meds at the pharmacy, thats undoable for you?, or do they only sent stuff by mail in your country ?
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Pyro
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #12 - Feb 26th, 2010 at 10:38pm
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Damn leo.. I didnt know your life was such a shithole. I hope for you you get all the pleasant things that are there for you though.
  

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Leo T_C_K
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #13 - Feb 27th, 2010 at 3:29am
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DieHard SCWS wrote on Feb 26th, 2010 at 9:57pm:
Thats cool to hear Smiley

And lets hope the other medication will arive as well.


Overhere you pick up the meds at the pharmacy, thats undoable for you?, or do they only sent stuff by mail in your country ?
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No other will arrive since I am not having prescribed anything else. I have been taking other medicaments but stopped, they were obviously to stabilize something or etc.... But still I am not taking these anymore. And I am kinda glad, because they didn't really do a much change for better.
  

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Delacroix
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Re: Pain and Agony...
Reply #14 - Mar 4th, 2010 at 9:50pm
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I truly feel bad about your condition. There's nothing I am able to say right now, as I am outright shocked and very worried.
  
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